


This is not the way it should've happened

by LeslieG3



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 13:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11231736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeslieG3/pseuds/LeslieG3
Summary: Sherlock Holmes confesses his love to John Watson





	This is not the way it should've happened

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Este no es el modo en que debió suceder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8942941) by [LeslieG3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeslieG3/pseuds/LeslieG3). 



> This is a transcript of a dream I had before the fourth season. This is my first time writing fanfic, any kind of comment is welcome

Mycroft and Mary were waiting for Sherlock in the car. All three were engaged in an important case that they would not let me be part of, I would stay with my daughter in 221b. But that afternoon when the three came out was very different from all the previous ones, something happened, something bad was about to happen, something big, they did not say anything, but I could feel it and see it in their eyes.

I walked them to the door, Mycroft and Mary got into the car, only Sherlock was missing, but he was still standing by the door of 221b next to me. His eyes were sad and his eyes were lowered. Something was wrong, wherever they were about to go, something would happen and Sherlock knew it. I don't know why, but suddenly I had the worst feeling of all, I felt that maybe this could be the last time I saw Sherlock. I shook my head trying to get the idea out of my mind. No. I could not bear it, I could not bear to lose it one more time, I would die. I love him. And now more than ever I wanted to tell him, but I was just there, immobile, I couldn't tell him, there was that stupid voice in my head:

_No, you can't, you're married, you have a wife and a daughter, that would not be all right._

Mary, the person with whom I was married and I didn't love. If only she had never entered in my life, perhaps, just maybe I could be with him. 

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I didn't notice Sherlock staring at me, saying nothing, just seeing me, watching every facet of my face, perhaps trying to figure out what I had been thinking. Finally, Sherlock saw me in the eyes, his eyes looked so sad, to see him that way made me feel that lump in my throat, I wanted to hug him ... kiss him ... tell him how much I loved him ...

_No. This is not right._

Sherlock stepped down a step to finally get into the car where they waited, my heart began to pound. He went down a second step, and that was all I could bear. I took him by the hand to stop him, almost unconsciously. Sherlock, surprised, turned to see our hands, which were together, and then looked up at me, he was confused. I wanted to tell him. At that moment I was determined to do it. But I turned to the car, Mary was there, and she could hear me. It was not the right time.

_But, what if this is my last moment ... my last chance?_

I opened the door of 221b, and entered, bringing Sherlock with me still in hand and closed the door behind us.

Mrs. Hudson wasn't home that day. There we were, facing each other, alone.  
I opened my mouth, but there was no word.

 

_What if he does not feel the same way I do._

_What if he refuse me._

_I have family, this is not right_

 

I let go of his hand at these thoughts. There was still a lump in my throat.

   "Sherlock, I don't know what's going on ... but, I know something happens ... .". I felt the tears want to come out of my eyes, but I hold them, there is no reason to cry, I cleared my throat and took his hand again. "I just want you to know that ... I do not want anything to happen to you, wherever you go at this moment, you have to promise that you're going to return, you have to come back ... I don't want to lose you, again."

This time a tear escaped my eye and I look down, I don't want him to see me cry. I stand there, looking at our joined hands, waiting for him to tell me something, but ... nothing.

Sherlock drops my hand, goes to the door, opens it and goes out.

I always dreamed about this moment, but I always imagined it in a very different way.

 

_This was a bad idea. I should not have said anything._

_Idiot._

 

I feel terrible, I think I'm going to cry, I don't care anymore. But at that moment I hear Sherlock talking to Mycroft, I go out to see what happens. Sherlock is telling Mycroft to wait for him around the corner. Mycroft doesn't seem to agree, and insists that he just get in the car so they can leave. At that moment Mycroft sees me, his face softens, and he just says. "Oh... all right." I think that just by seeing me he knows what's going on, Mycroft tells the driving man to turn around the corner and park there. The car is moving forward and now they are out of sight, they can not see us. But why did Sherlock want them to leave?

Sherlock stands in front of me, I don't know what's going on. He starts talking.

"John" My heart beats so hard that it hurts. "Umm, uh, you know I'm not good with this kind of thing, I ... You're right, something is happening, unfortunately I can't tell you anything, even if I wanted to ... I couldn't ..."  Tears begin to emerge from Sherlock's eyes.

He takes a moment to calm down, it's costing him a lot.

"I just want you to know that after everything we've been through, so many years, so many ... things. We deserve better than this, you and me. But, now you're with Mary, and Rosie and there's nothing we can do about it. You chose her, and that's fine, I was too late...watching you say "I do" to someone else was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know if I'm an idiot or an optimist to keep believing that I still have the opportunity to be with you."

Sherlock lowers his head as he wipes his tears from his face. I want to hug him, tell him that everything is fine, that I don't love Mary, and that we can have a life together. I want to do it, but ...

 

_No, it's not okay._

_Your wife is right around the corner._

 

_So what? I do not love her. She is a assassin who lied to me since the moment we met._

_Cheat on her does not make you better than her. Don't do it._

 

"John," we looked at each other for a moment. "I love you."

 

_He loves me._

 

Sherlock walks over to me, I know what's going to happen. Now he's close, very close, he tilts his head and kisses me, I accept it, I want this.

The kiss lasts only a second.

  
"I'm sorry that I can't give it to you as I should." - After saying this, he turned around and left.

 

_I'm sorry I married someone else._

_...._

_...._

_That was not right._

_So why does it feel like it's the right thing to do?_

 

 

 


End file.
